A child or a career! Is that the only choice?

A child or a career! Is that the only choice?

The story of Nidhi Khurana

Spanning over London, Singapore and Munich

Written by Nidhi Khurana
Edited by Mallika Bhatia

'You can be a good mother and still follow your dreams, you totally can if you so desire.'

I totally believe in this statement today and I have achieved this belief by meeting some wonderful Mums over the years. Some mothers who go out to work and come home every evening to take care of the needs and desires of their families while others who stay at home and share their dreams of their partner and children. There are also mothers who have either changed their profession or adjusted their career path to dedicate more time to their loved ones. One truth is that, a mother never leaves her children at home, even when she does not take them along. They are all always with her in her heart and mind.

I became a mum eight years ago. I was blessed with my daughter, Khushi. I did not know or anticipate how my life would change forever. My feelings can be summed up in the beautiful quote by Iain Thomas: 'Everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I have ever been.'

My daughter and her needs were my priority and everything else including my career took a backseat. I had totally forgotten a part of me that was a trained teacher. Someone who was proud to inspire and be inspired by her pupils and fellow educators. I had forgotten about the days when I would call my husband during the lunch break just to tell him how much I enjoyed being at work. I was proud of myself for positively impacting so many lives. I considered myself lucky for having the opportunity to teach and learn from education systems across different countries. After Khushi was born, I was just happy singing nursery rhymes and reading stories to her all day. Fellow mums at toddler classes had become my best friends. Instead of my own future I had started planning for my daughter's future. My entire life was centred around her.

It was only when I started teaching again that I realised what I was missing in the last few years. Being in a classroom full of children was a state of bliss for me. It felt natural and it brought back a part of me that I subconsciously had missed so much. I had gotten very lucky when my daughter joined a pre-school, I was offered a job in the same school. Me and my husband felt that it was just the perfect situation as I could satisfy my professional needs while being very close to my daughter. It was perfect till it lasted.

Soon my husband joined a new job and we moved from London to Singapore. It was not an easy move for any of us. We had to leave our friends and our life behind. We had to start life from scratch.

After UK, Singapore was a whole new world for us. It took us more than four months to start feeling at home in this new city. We were lucky to have made a few friends as a family, the kids got along and so did the parents. For my daughter who was four years old now, Singapore offered some new challenges; adapting to a different culture, a more competitive school environment and making new friends to name a few. I supported Khushi in her new journey and together we took small steps in making Singapore our home. Once I was confident that she was settled in her school and had made friends in the neighbourhood, I started thinking of my life as a working mother again.

After discussing the prospects of joining the work force with my husband I started applying for teaching jobs. As luck would have it, soon I received an interview call from a school called,The Blue House Nursery and International Preschool. Just after the initial interview, I was offered a job there.

It was not the school that khushi went to, nor was it close to where we lived yet something within me pushed me to take it up. On the hind side I realise it was the best thing that happened to me in Singapore. I gained knowledge and experience of the Reggio Emilia Approach to early years education. I discovered how children learn best when they were allowed to explore and discover in a supportive and rich environment.I matured as an educator and an individual while working. At the same time I benefitted on the personal front by making some friends at work who are now my friends for life. I got myself back, all my parts, but it wasn't a journey without bumps.

Soon after I had joined work, there was trouble in my paradise. From the first day of work, my personal life went for a toss. My otherwise perfect daughter, started throwing tantrums. She would cry at the bus stop every morning, shout at children in the playground and she even stopped eating properly. She was finding every possible way to show me how unhappy she was about my being away from her for most of the day. I left for work before she went to school and came back two hours after her. She could not cope with the new situation and did not know how else to communicate it to us but by throwing tantrums. It was emotionally, socially and physically draining for all of us as a family.

As important as my career was, my child was more important. I wanted to work, I was happy to have that part of my life back but I couldn't let my daughter suffer because of it. I knew that I had to take the control of our family life back and decided to quit working. I went to my school management and described my situation, I told them that I would not be able to continue working beyond that academic year. My situation wasn't unknown to them as some of my work colleagues knew about my struggles at home.

It was hard for me to leave for work every morning with my child crying for me at the door. Even when I was at work I could not forget about the tears from the morning. I failed to be there for Khushi for the important events at her school. When she was sick my husband stayed at home. A teacher's job is less flexible as compared to other jobs. It is also more emotionally demanding as the children need to see you with a big happy smile to feely emotionally secure at school. A teacher is a big and significant part of a child's day at school and you can not take that away from them. While I was trying my best to put a brave face every morning, there were days when I cried at the end of the day because I felt I had not given my hundred percent. The toll it took on me was too high.

I thought that there was no other way but to quit my job. The founder of the school thought otherwise. She had been a working mother and the founder of this school hence understood both sides of the story. She wanted more and more women to be independent and turn their dreams into reality. She wanted to make sure that women lived to their highest potential, both as mothers and employees.

She asked the management to come up with a resolution to my situation. The solution was step-by-step and simple. As a first step they offered that I work for lesser number of hours making sure I could pick Khushi from school everyday. Thankfully I had decided to try the suggested solutions before quitting a job that was adding so much meaning to my life.
Trust me, just picking up my daughter from school everyday made such a difference in our lives. It is these small things that impact our lives in a big way. My daughter met me with a big smile at the school gates everyday, no more tantrums and lots of mummy daughter time. I was also offered to use my extra hours to attend events at Khushi's school so she felt that her mummy was a part of her school life too.

Our founder always understood the needs of employees like me. She always supported us and guided us in the right direction. She is a perfect example of how to achieve work life balance and be so calm and motivating all the time.

I was very touched when I was told that my daughter is a part of the Blue House family just like all the other children in the school and her well-being was equally important. Khushi was always a part of the Christmas, Chinese New Year and other celebrations at my school. She even started coming to drop me to my school. She never missed coming on a Friday to enjoy cake pops at our amazing Pantry.

I was happy spending time with her and still having a career. I went to read stories in her class once every term, I attended her class assemblies and other performances at school. Now I was there for her when she needed me and I was there for myself.

I worked with the same school for three years till we recently moved to Munich.

I would like to say to all mothers who are planning to go back to work to be strong and not to hesitate in asking for help. Suggestions and support from people around you when you face initial hurdles can change your path. Be flexible about the path but not about the dream. What I have learned from my experience is that, 'Happy mothers, make happy employees'.

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