A pregnancy that kills- Awareness is the key

A pregnancy that kills- Awareness is the key

The story of Trisha Bahl 

Based in Munich, Germany

Written by Mallika Bhatia 

I know you know what a pregnancy is, but do you also know what molar pregnancies are?

Well, if you do then congratulations!
You are amongst the very few people who are aware of this condition.
For those of you who don't know, Yes, it is a condition!

When we are joyful and excited about bringing another human being into this world, that is a pregnancy but when the doctor tells you in your 8th week scan that there seems to be something abnormal with the foetus, you don't wonder what kind of a pregnancy it is, you simply worry.

'I doubt it is a normal pregnancy at all', my doctor had said. 'Let's wait for a week or two, to see if it would naturally discharge itself from your body', she had continued.

What went on in my mind was; I am losing another baby. Yet another miscarriage! Not even a regular miscarriage, here my doctor was actually waiting and hoping for me to miscarry. Were we not meant to be parents? Why did we have to go through it again? Why? My focus was just on the emotional pain. We had lost a baby in the 14th week of pregnancy just last year. Me and my husband had dealt with this trauma not so long ago and here we were in the same situation again, a year later.

After 2 very anxious weeks, I went to the doctor for a follow up. I had not bled or released anything naturally. Another ultrasound was done and the doctor declared that what I had was what they call a Complete Molar Pregnancy.

A molar pregnancy is a rare phenomena occurring once in about 1000 pregnancies. It is also called gestational trophoblastic disease (GTD), in which the trophoblast, that normally develops into placenta, grows abnormally. Simply put, it is a complication of the placenta occurring when eggs and sperm join together at fertilisation and it almost never results in a healthy baby. There are two types to it, Complete and partial. In the partial, there would be some abnormal cells and an embryo with severe birth defects, usually the abnormal cells would take over the embryo, destroying it completely. In complete Molar pregnancies, there are just placental parts, no baby, just a mass growing and producing the pregnancy hormone hCG.

The doctor told me that I needed immediate surgery.
Why immediate? Because if not taken out on time or properly, it could lead to cancerous threat to the uterus and to the other body parts.

The shift from the pain of loosing a baby to the fear of loosing my life was far too rapid to fathom. I couldn't process anything, I guess my mind had switched to an auto-pilot mode. From the doctor's clinic, I went straight to the hospital to schedule my surgery. It was fixed for the very next day, because of the threat of cancer.

That evening at home was one of the worst I had had in a long time. I was scared, shivering and numb. I was just 29 and not ready to die. I was not ready to face cancer nor was I ready to let go off my hope of a baby. The little sleep I managed was in the arms of my husband who did not leave my side for a minute. The next day after my D&C, the doctors suggested a biopsy to confirm a complete molar pregnancy. They needed it to assess the risk of cancer.

A week of waiting for the result seemed too long. I had so many things to recover from physically and emotionally. It wasn't a peaceful week would be an understatement. After seven days of fear, anxiety, nervousness, pain, sadness and anger, the results came confirming our fears. It was a complete molar pregnancy, increasing the risk of cancer several folds.

Just the next day I had to undergo a blood test to check my hCG levels. The results would define if I needed to start Chemotherapy right away. If the past week was stressful, the night we waited for the blood results was almost traumatic. I cried, I prayed and I cried some more. There were so many levels to my emotions, so many layers. I couldn't tell you if I was dealing with only the fear for my life now or the lack of a baby in my womb. I felt incomplete, as if I had done something wrong to deserve this, as if my body was incapable.

The test results thankfully reflected a lower hCG levels, which indicated a lack of cancer for now, if I may say so. I was relived but the doctors said that the risk continued. With that began an ordeal of weekly blood tests and scans. For three months, from July to September 2013, I spent one day a week in the hospital making sure I wasn't getting cancer. After the risk period was over, the doctors had told us to wait from 6 months to a year to try for a baby.

This ordeal had already got me thinking about the choices I was making. I realised that my body and circumstances were pointing towards a change I needed to make. There was something I wasn't doing right, something that had to be different about my attitude. Introspection was the best diagnostic tool I used.


Over the next months, I changed my life completely. My focus shifted from what I did not have to improving what I had. I started meditating, eating right, exercising and focussing on myself. I started enjoying each day as it came, getting the most out of it. I was happy now. The desire to have a child existed but it did not stem from a sense of lack, it came from a desire to love more.

Towards the end of my weekly blood tests

The next year 2014, as we were gearing to start trying for a baby again, my gynaecologist discovered that I had huge fibroids that she said needed a detailed view from a senior doctor. An appointment with a very senior gynaecologist was made. This doctor wasn't as polite and sympathetic as mine. He looked at my scans and said, “You can't have a baby. What you need is surgery to remove the fibroids. We may need to remove the uterus.” I was obviously scared, I asked him what if I didn't get the surgery? He said bluntly, 'Then you won't ever have children'.

It broke my heart but something internally told me to not believe every word he said. I guess it was all the work I had done with myself in the past year. I trusted my instincts much more now. I went back to my gynaecologist and told her all the details. Everything about what the other doctor had said and also what I felt internally. I told her that something internally told me that I could avoid the surgery for now. I wanted her to assess medically, what I felt mentally.

She throughly checked all the reports again, turned to me and said “Take a leap of faith, go ahead. I am with you and there is God up there.”

That is all I needed to hear. My instinct, my husband's love and unconditional support and my doctor's guidance is what helped me conceive naturally despite the fibroids.  They helped me go through a high-risk, difficult pregnancy, with several scares, bleeds, haemorrhages, and hospital stays.

The result is what made it all worth it.

All my faith resulted in chubby cheeks and a smile to kill

Have you ever desired something so much that no matter what it cost you, your desire still seemed worth it?

That is how it was for us. Those 41 weeks was what resulted in our beautiful daughter Anahita. our immaculate child. Who is now also a great older sister by the way.

                 

I share my story to help others going through a similar situation, I share my story also to create awareness about molar pregnancies.

I would like to tell you to follow your instincts, make informed choices. I would also like to tell you that there is nothing wrong with your body if you go through a miscarriage, it isn't your fault. Have faith in the Universe because there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
We may have to go through some trials and turbulences for our eventual mental and spiritual growth, for reasons unknown and out of our control .. but they help us evolve .. and make us what we wouldn't have become otherwise.


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