Living with the missing 'X'
The story of Sowmya Mohan
Written by Mallika Bhatia
Based all over India
I was born in February 1982 to an Army officer and back then a-future-teacher. My parents fell so deeply in love with my cuteness that the fact that I was short-limbed was simply termed as a tiny baby who would grow big and tall with time. I was their first born and hence got all the attention possible. I am told I was quite intelligent, chirpy and a delight to be around. I had started talking very early and would supposedly even hold long conversations as a toddler. I was the apple of my parents’ eye and loved even in the neighbourhood. Since we were an Army family, we had the great opportunity to live in a new place every two years. Around four and a half years after I was born, came along my brother and our family increased. I had started school by now and my parents started noticing that I wasn’t growing in height in comparison to my peers. I wasn't even as agile as them. It took me much longer to cover the same distance that my friends did effortlessly and quickly. After a few months of observation, when I was around 5 years of age, my parents took me to the local pediatrician. He checked my vitals and simply asked my parents to keep patience. 'Some kids just take longer to grow' he had said.
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| Photo by Jens Johnsson on Unsplash |
My parents of course believed the doctor for that time but something kept bothering them in the back of their heads. When I was around 9 years old and still hadn't grown much, I was taken to the prestigious All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS) for a detailed check-up. We were stationed at Meerut that time.Together the doctors in Meerut and AIIMS finally diagnosed me with Turner's syndrome.
(Turner syndrome is a chromosomal abnormality in which all or part of one of the X chromosomes is missing or altered. Diagnosis is based on physical signs and genetic testing. No cure for Turner syndrome is known.Read more about it here)
My parents finally had the answers for the questions no parents ever want to ask and I had the huge task of accepting that the bullying that I was facing in school would probably never end. I was always a part of the journey that my parents had undertaken in trying to find the reasons for my lack of height and they made sure that I was a well informed part. The way they conveyed the news of my diagnosis to me was by telling me how lucky I was to be blessed with a brilliant brain and a thinking mind. I was told instead of height, I had immense talent. Instead of talking about what all I would lack in life, I was told about how lucky I was to have an endocrine disorder and yet have the least threatening symptoms/manifestation. Instead of talking about my missing X chromosome, we talked about my blessings as an individual. That formed the base of my personality.
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| Me in the background with mom and my brother |
Just because my parents were supportive did not mean my issues went away or that the world was kind. I had started having thyroid issues and gaining weight very early on. When other children were out playing and running, I had to focus on exercising and eating right. With my stature, it wasn't an easy task. In school the other children had all sorts of nicknames for me. I was called githi, chukti, piddi, all local words derogatorily pointing towards how short I was. The teachers were not far behind. My sports teacher did not let me participate in many games because of a lack of height or because my gait wasn't what was considered 'normal'. They decided that I was not good at sports even before I got a chance to experience playing. I was vehemently discouraged from participating in activities where one had to be on stage. I would look too odd on the stage was the general belief.
In all honesty it was a struggle for me to cope physically with regular activities since I was extremely short limbed, yet my mind worked fine, in fact it worked better than a lot of my peers and yet I was not given a chance to showcase it because of the way I looked.
I clearly recall one incident when I was in 9th grade. It was one of the inter-house debate competitions in school that I really wanted to participate in. The topic was Intelligence 'vs' perseverance. I spent many an evening preparing my content, which I later discussed with my English teacher, who was very impressed by it. When I went to the house mistress with my participation request, she didn't say anything to me but the opportunity was given to another child who would look 'normal' on stage. The decision wasn't based on the content that one would present, it was rather based on how one would look presenting it. I was informed about it by the teacher who was supporting me.
I knew I was capable of representing the 'house' and yet I wasn’t given a chance because of how I looked. I was heartbroken and spoke to my parents about this unfairness. My father chose to come to the school and speak to the head mistress. She listened to my father's concerns and yet did not do anything about it. I was handed the duty to help the other participants in the debate but backstage.
As the topic of the debate was, so were my intentions; I knew perseverance well enough and chose to still go on to the stage at the end of the competition and present my views as a guest speaker. I couldn't give up just because a few adults refused to show sensitivity. I knew I wasn't lesser simply because of my height.
Eventually, I was very happy that I did present my views. My real reward came when a few days later my biology teacher, whom I admired a lot, came up to me and told me how much she admired my views. That was my win.
I did continue to lose out on opportunities and still was bullied but by now I had realized that most people always focused on things that were superficial. It wasn't my loss but theirs. Yet some losses hurt more than the others, I lost out on Prefect ship because the Principal of our school did not find my persona towering enough. I took much longer to learn how to cycle. I still didn't have any great friends while my peers were busy forming their little cliques.
Teenage makes life even tougher than it otherwise is. I could observe the bodies of my schoolmates changing. The girls were growing breasts, the boys had changes in their voices and facial hair. Everyone was busy 'growing up' but me. Girls now had boyfriends and best friends and stories to share and all I had were my academics. I felt left-out, very often. My mind oscillated between acceptance of myself and my condition and falling prey to the social pressures and questioning why I did not look like them?
I tried to fit in, I tried to copy them, I tried to ape as much as I could and yet I was not like them. Since no one wanted to befriend a person who looked 'strange', I did not have anyone to share my pain with. I kept internalizing everything. How it helped me in-turn was that it made my inner resolve much stronger. The difference between the real and superficial became even more clearer.
I now could see how much effort my family had put in to support me and to make me feel absolutely normal. I saw my parents struggle internally but they never let that reflect on to me or my brother. I wanted to tell them that I truly valued what they were doing for me, so I started focussing completely on my academics. I got brilliant results in almost every class and enjoyed economics immensely. After school I went on to do a Bachelor's in Economics followed by and MBA from the prestigious Army Institute of Management, Kolkata. I stayed in a hostel, away from my family for the first time during my Master's. It was a test for all my resolve and upbringing. Thankfully that was another test I passed with flying colours. I enjoyed my experience thoroughly. I was independent and completely responsible for my own self. I knew there was nothing that could stop me now. Over the years I had also made some great friends who loved me for who I was.
Post MBA, I entered the corporate world quite effortlessly. In the professional world, I was judged based on my abilities and intelligence rather than my looks. I am currently working as a Manager for a reputed Multinational company, I feel fulfilled and complete in every respect. The struggles were worth it and helped me in building a sense of faith in oneself.
I want to tell each one of you reading this that it is extremely important to trust oneself and accept who you are. It is equally important to focus on the blessings more than the challenges. When issues come our way, we need to face them as stepping stones rather than hindrances. I am thankful to my parents for letting me be independent and never letting me feel that I lack something. I wish more parents could do that. As they say, the way our parents speak to us becomes our inner voice. I am thankful for such a beautiful inner voice. I might be missing an 'X' but I know that in life, there is nothing I am missing out on.
* If you found this story inspiring then don't forget to share, comment, like and subscribe to The Hope Tribe.You can be the instrument of Hope for someone by spreading these inspirational tales. Thanks for reading, Mallika Bhatia, Founder The Hope Tribe
